


Reminisce

by Swoon21



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 04:58:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8564983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swoon21/pseuds/Swoon21
Summary: Yoochun and Junsu cuddle and think back to their relationship.





	

It was late evening and two figures were snuggling on the sofa after a long day. They lay in silence both immersed in their own thoughts, Junsu resting against Yoochun’s chest comfortably until finally the older man asked:

“What are you thinking about?”  
“Just reminiscing.”  
“Tell me.” Junsu pondered the request for a moment, a little reluctant, but complied:  
“Remember that first time we fought? It was after our debut performance. I was so angry with myself that I just stormed into my room and fumed. Everyone else knew better that try to reason with me. It was like walking into a lion’s den. But you did not know.”

__

-“Hey. Junsu? You ok?”  
-“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”  
-“I just…”  
-“Came to pity me?”  
“-No, it’s not like that. It’s just that… we’re a team. We should support each other.”  
“-Look, kid. You’ve been here for what? 6 months. Well, I spent here 6 years. I can take care of myself. Mind your own business.”

“After you left, Jaejoong came. I didn’t even notice him enter until I heard him speak…”

\- “He didn’t deserve that, you know. I know you’ve been through a lot, I know you really wanted to debut with HyukJae. But do you think you’re the only one who had a hard time? Me and Yunho came to Seoul when we were just kids and we had to work hard to support ourselves and pay for the training. But for Yoochunnie is was the hardest. Do you know he moved to the States when he was 11? His parents divorced, he did several part-time jobs. Do you know he was so desperate to get away he lied about his age at the auditions? His family, friends and everyone he knows is over the ocean. And even though he came back to his motherland he now became an alien and his torture started all over again. His words and actions are different and everyone looks at him with suspicion. While we all had several years to prepare, he had less than a year before debut. Do you know how hard he works to catch up? Think of this next time you decide let out your anger on him.”

Junsu sighed as the memories came alive before him. “I was so ashamed of myself I didn’t dare to raise my head. Of course I wasn’t angry with you, I was angry with myself for screwing up. I was so proud and selfish. I thought that I didn’t need anyone, that I could make it on my own. I’ve been so stupid, saying all those things to you, calling you a crybaby. I didn’t see that I was the weak one, always hiding behind the mask of indifference.” Junsu sighed. “When I looked up he was already gone. Even though I felt sorry I didn’t apologize, so we didn’t really speak to each other.”

“Yeah. It wasn’t until that one day, we coming back to the dorm in a van. You were sulking all the way.”

\- “What’s wrong?”  
Junsu’s first impulse was to say: “None of your business”, but the genuine concern in Yoochun’s eyes made him reconsider.  
\- “It’s my hyung. He broke his arm.”  
\- “At baseball?”  
\- “How do you know?”  
\- “I don’t. I reckoned since he’s a baseball player.”  
For a minute they fell into uncomfortable silence since Junsu didn’t know what to say. He never really talked to Yoochun and knew very little about him. “How does he know about my brother? Or rather why does he care?” He was so lost in his thoughts he was startled when Yoochun continued:

\- “You shouldn’t worry. I’m sure he’s a fighter. Just like you.”  
Junsu wasn’t sure how it happened, but at these words he could do nothing about the fact that his face has blossomed into a big smile.

“You remember?” Junsu looked up somewhat surprised.  
“Of course. How can I forget? It was your first smile for me.” Yoochun paused in thought. “That’s when I felt that it was all worth it. Even if sometimes you still acted like a brat.” Junsu giggled then made puppy eyes at him even though it was dark. “Mianhae?”

Yoochun smiled and then sighed. “You were always so independent, I didn’t want to be needy and clingy.”  
“I was insecure,” Junsu replied quietly. “Now I know that it takes more courage to cry than to try and look tough all the time. But back then it was different…”

“And then there was that one time when I saw you crying.”

Junsu would always mock Yoochun for crying so easily. But there he was sitting on the floor weeping like a girl.

\- “Junsu? You’re crying?”  
\- “I’m not,” came the reply, but even in that short phrase a sob made its way in. Denying would make him look even more pathetic. “What? If you want to get back at me just do it and go away.”  
\- “I wasn’t going to.” Junsu looked away and hoped that if he ignored Yoochun he will leave him alone. Everyone did. But instead he heard shuffling as Yoochun sat next to him.  
\- “Wanna talk about it?”  
\- “No.”  
\- “Ok”. He felt arms around his shoulders bringing him closer. It felt nice and he slightly leaned into the touch. They sat there for a long time, neither of them saying anything.

“After that things went smoothly between us. That is, until I began to comprehend the nature of my feelings for you.”  
“Took you long,” Junsu teased.

“I had to make sure it wasn’t just lust. At that point I knew what I wanted, but there were many things to consider. I knew once I took that step there would be no going back.” Yoochun sighed. “I knew you had feelings for me too, but I wasn’t sure you were ready to accept them.”  
“I was confused. I didn’t know what to think, how to feel. It was against everything I’ve been taught. Deep inside I knew for a long time. I knew I was living a lie. Those girls I dated only because I should… But that wasn’t just this gay thing that bothered me. For the first time in my life I felt I needed someone besides my family. I was so used to being alone and I felt trapped. I guess I was just scared to get close to someone.”

Junsu looked at him as if he was crazy and it hurt.

\- “But it’s there! The spark! You can’t fight it.”  
\- “But… What if it’s just a stage?” Junsu looked scared. “Because we can’t have girlfriends right now and there’s all that pent up sexual tension? You like girls, I know you do.”  
\- “It’s true, but all of my previous relationships with girls can’t compare to what I feel for you!” Junsu could see he was getting frustrated.  
\- “Stop giving me excuses based on what I want. I know what I want and I want you.”  
\- “B-but... what if it doesn’t work out?” Junsu was running out of excuses.  
Yoochun stepped forward, put his hands on Junsu’s shoulders and waited until Junsu looked up to meet his eyes.  
\- “Then at least we’ll know we tried”, he replied quietly. “Look. All I know is you make me happy and I can’t just ignore this. I don’t want to grow old wondering whether I missed the greatest thing in my life.

“And then you kissed me” Junsu remarked dreamily. “Even though it was just a peck I felt as if a lightning struck me. I never felt anything like it before”

"But you still weren’t sure. The week you made me wait was a torture. But when you said you want to try… I wasn’t naïve enough to think it would be easy, but I was ready to face any trials.” There was a pause after which Yoochun continued in a lower voice:

“If you remembered that you also have to remember something else…” he said with a smug grin.  
“What?” Junsu blinked at him.  
“Our first sex!” Yoochun exclaimed  
“It’s embarrassing!” cried Junsu hitting his shoulder.  
“No it’s not! Maybe it was a bit awkward, but first times are supposed to be like this. Even though we were so inexperienced and nervous as hell, after we got into it everything happened so naturally.” He paused “Besides, I could never imagine how eager you can be.” At that Yoochun wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.  
“Shut up!” Junsu slapped his chest.  
“Try and say you didn’t enjoy it.”

“I did…” Junsu whispered to Yoochun’s surprise. He could almost feel the heat radiating from Junsu’s face as he blushed. It was funny, he thought, how Junsu would get embarrassed just talking about sex, but in bed he unleashed a passion to behold.

“Just thinking about it makes me hot. I’ve been with a couple of girls before, but it could never compare to what I felt that night.” It was completely true. Yoochun knew sex was pleasurable, but what he felt that night made him understand what people meant when they said “making love”.

“And then soon after that you wrote ‘My Page’ pretty much shocking everyone. Jaejoong even scolded me for stealing your innocence.” Junsu snorted and shifted, half of his body on the couch, half sprawled over Yoochun’s. “Hey, stop wiggling. Your ass alone takes half of the couch.” Junsu snorted again. “Stop insulting my ass. Everyone knows you’re obsessed with it.” “Damn, you got me!” Yoochun grinned.

“Where was I? Oh, yes. I woke up that morning and looked at you. And it wasn’t anything like they show in romantic movies. You know how they always wake up all fresh and neat? Well you had fabric folds imprinted on your cheek and your face all bloated and your hair messy, but that’s when I knew this was how I wanted every morning of my life to be.” Junsu didn’t say anything. Then again Yoochun didn’t expect him to.

For a long time the couple on the couch was quiet, the only sound was the sound of their even breathing. Yoochun thought Junsu had already fallen asleep when suddenly he heard:

“Yoochun-ah…”  
“Hmm?” There was a slight pause of hesitance but he didn’t want to push it.  
“I’m so sorry,” Junsu finally said. “For… everything. I never realized how often I gave you a hard time.”  
“What’s that about?”  
“Just… Thank you for not giving up on me. I’m not really good at this, but… he took a breath… I love you, I really do.” Yoochun couldn’t help but smile.  
“I love you too. I could never give up on you. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for good, babe.”

Once again there was no answer. This time Junsu really seemed to have fallen asleep. Curled against him, the young man looked so peaceful and relaxed. His face, open and unguarded, looked younger. For a moment Yoochun closed his eyes and tried to store the feeling deep inside his heart so he could retrieve it at a time of separation or trouble. Then he gently brought Junsu closer and put a kiss on his forehead.

By the time the first rays of sunshine crept through the window both men were sound asleep. But even as light began to fill the room somehow it seemed to avoid the sofa as though not wanting to disturb the sleeping lovers. 


End file.
